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Giving Love a Second Chance | How to Date as a Veteran

Military man

Being in the military has its own sets of challenges, but the real challenge might come when you go home alone and all by yourself. You might even start thinking that it’s too late for you now and that you’ve no chance of finding love. It seems like when you enlisted years ago in the military, you’ve also signed up to be single forever. I am here to tell you that it is not true.

Everyone deserves a second chance at love, all the more a hero like you.

Acknowledge the trauma.

Your desire to make romantic connections may be hampered by issues like stress, post-traumatic stress disorder, physical health issues, depression, anxiety, irritability, sleeplessness, a sense of alienation or detachment, or memory problems.

There is no point denying what you’ve been through, but if you are willing to try your fortune in the dating scene, you always have to take in that you are given another chance to live.

Be upfront about your experience in the military.

This goes without saying that if ever you are going to find someone to date, it should be with someone you are not going to walk on eggshells with. You need someone who is going to accept you wholly, including bad experiences and the guilt you have to endure to make yourself feel like a human again.

Learn to love yourself before you can learn to love others.

You’ve been living in a high-stress environment for a long time. Instead of rushing things due to fear of ending up alone, take the time first to take care of yourself and make self-love a top priority for you. It might take a while to get there, but the results will be worth it.

If you want to be in a healthy relationship with someone, you need to be holistically healthy yourself; including your emotional and mental well-being.

Don’t be afraid to shut down.

Despite your best efforts to put painful memories behind you, humans have a tendency to dwell on them. When you've been in the military, you may have more of these kinds of thoughts than a normal civilian. Take your time to move on and find your way back into reality. Just make sure that you also inform your significant other about these relapses so they can give you the understanding and patience that you deserve.

Remember, being different is okay.

Combat veterans are just a different breed. The person you're going to date will undoubtedly encounter something new because of your own experiences—some positive, some negative—all while you are serving the nation. You have nothing to worry about. Dating a veteran has several benefits, and your partner will surely have one of the best relationships imaginable.

Being in a constant physical combat and mental battle can change a man. But that doesn't make you any less a person, more so does it make you unworthy of finding the love of your life.

Flexibility is key when you start dating again as a veteran. Though most of your recent years have been spent in a structured routine in the military, you need to learn how to embrace the unknown and just live in the present. Good luck, and take care!

This story was originally published in Medium: Giving Love a Second Chance


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