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Finding love isn’t easy under the best of circumstances. When you’re a widower or a divorcee, it’s even harder thanks to any trust issues or trauma brought about by your previous relationship.
Trying to find love as a single parent can be incredibly difficult. A lot of your potential partners won't be all that keen on helping you raise your child, even if they’re not going to be the primary or even secondary caretaker.
There’s another way in which dating as a single parent can be complicated. You may be on the lookout for a partner, you find someone who seems like she might be wife material, and then it turns out that she doesn’t get along with your kids, or that they don’t like her.
So how do you get everyone on board with the new dynamic? How do you get your would-be wife to get along with your kids? And how do you get your kids to be okay with you remarrying?
As for your potential wife, the best way that you can get her onboard with you having kids is to be honest. Tell her outright that you’re a father, tell her how many kids you have, how old they are, and that they have to be the first priority.
Be honest and if she’s okay with being your wife despite what you tell her, then you’re good to go.
Your children, on the other hand, might present the biggest challenge. Their reception to your new relationship may depend on how old they are and how things ended with their mother.
If you are a widower, and enough time has passed, your children might be happy for you. They may be ecstatic that their father is finally finding love again.
If their mother’s death was recent, however, then they may see your new relationship as impulsive. They might think that you’re rushing into things because you’re depressed and they’ll be worried for you. That’s the best case scenario.
The worst-case scenario is that they’ll resent you, your new girlfriend, and the relationship. They may think that you’re being callous, that you’re replacing their mother, or that you never loved her and were waiting for her to die so you’d be free to move on to someone else.
This resentment can be exacerbated if your new girlfriend is noticeably younger than you and they might think that you’re going through some kind of midlife crisis.
Now, if you and their mother divorced, then that may present its own set of complications. The first is that, regardless of how things ended with your ex, you’ve got kids together and you may have to co-parent with her. As such, she’s going to be in your life whether you want her to be or not.
She’s also going to, rightfully, get to have some input on who comes in and out of children’s lives. Your relationship may not be any of her business, but it is her business as to who spends a lot of time around her children.
So you’re going to have to make sure that your new wife and your ex get along. Otherwise, your custody agreement may be altered.
Children can also be stubbornly loyal to your ex. They might feel like bonding with or approving of your new girl might be disrespectful toward their mother. This can carry over in a widowed father as well, as they want to feel loyal to their mother’s memory.
Another complication that can present itself is if your new girlfriend has children of her own. You’ll have to win those children over. It can be even more complicated if she’s got an ex.
You can marry your wife and take her to your country with you, but her ex might be able to compel the local courts to force her to leave her child behind, and that might be something she’s unwilling to do.
It can be even more complicated when your wife is a foreign national. Getting a foreign wife over to your country is complicated enough when it’s just her. A kid and an ex are going to make it exponentially more difficult.
So if you’re going to date a single parent, then you’re going to have to convince her ex that living with you, living in your country, is what’s best for his child, that his kid will have the greatest chance of success and happiness in your country.
There’s also the child themself. You’re going to have to win them over if you want any chance of their mom agreeing to marry you.
Then comes the next complication: blending families together. You’ve got kids, she’s got kids. Now the two of you want to live together like any other happy couple. And you both want to bring your kids along with you.
So now you’ve got to get your kids and her kids to get along. If your kids can’t get along, that’s going to affect your relationship as you’ll likely take your respective child’s side -- which then puts you at odds with your spouse.
If your children do get into conflicts with one another, try to be as impartial as you can be. Favoring one side over the other is going to make the other one feel like they’re being left out.
There’s also just the harmony of your household in general. Things are going to be a lot more peaceful if your kids didn’t spend every waking hour screaming at each other.
Marriage is complicated enough without international borders or children from previous relationships becoming factors. But sometimes, they are. You can’t help who you fall for and sometimes there are factors in your life and hers that make being together hard.
It can be especially difficult for single parents, because they don’t just have to sort out their feelings. They have to make sure their child is okay with the new relationship and that their ex isn’t going to cause any complications.
But a person can find love again despite whatever baggage a person might carry with them into a new relationship.
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